I'm laying in bed the other night reading, minding my damn business, thinking I'm ALONE, and I see movement out of the corner of my eye. There is a mutant bug skittering across my bed, from up behind my head and shoulders, down the sheet. It's basically just cruising the length of my body. I jump up, terrified, and I'm doing the cliched girl oh-my-god-there's-a-big-scary-bug dance. It stops on my comforter, so I creep around it (shocking how much space it takes up when you add in the ick bubble surrounding it) grab a shoe, try to squash it but it gets away. Fucker.
Now I'm standing there, frozen, unable to get back on my bed knowing that it's hiding underneath. Let me paint you a picture of this wretched creature so you can truly understand my fear. It basically looks like a mutant hybrid of a giant roach and a centipede. And it has antennae. The nuclear monstrosity is about the size of my damn pinky. I know that seems small, but hold up your pinky. Seriously, right now. I'll wait.... SEE?! It looked like a small rodent. AND IT WAS IN MY BED.
I spend some time trying to find it, to no avail. I lay back down, tense as all hell. I try to focus on my book, but my eyes keep sweeping my bed for alien movement and I keep kicking and rattling the covers to ensure it doesn't try to come back and cuddle.
Thankfully, my closest friends are endlessly supportive:
Rachael: Oh yeah. They just luuuuurve that bagel shop!
Tom: I hear they're like pets out there. Make sure you feed it!
Thanks, buttheads.
Finally I see it! It's crawling up the wall... Slowly. It really is an ugly little bastard. I WISH I has thought to take a picture, but instead I react purely on instinct and grab my shoe. Die, bitch!
I actually still need to wipe the guts off my wall.
UPDATE: With the help of a couple friends, I've managed to identify the creature. It's a house centipede. Do you now understand my terror?
LOL.. oh sweetie, im still like that with these damn things but they are all over in the east coast. They are always running around our house, i hate those things. So, just FYI it won't be the last time you see one & especially this time of year, they come out all the time!! Luv the story though.. Welcome to the East Coast!! :o)
ReplyDeleteLeila :o)
God, that's scarier than any heat packing gangster on the subway! :)
ReplyDeletehahahah OMG!!! I would have freaked the fuck out too!! I HATE bugs! And I am not gonna lie I saw the EXACT same creature when I was in New York and it was on Dustin's face! We were trying to climb trees in central park and he goes to give me a boost and cocks his head up and as our eyes meet I let out a screeching scream while pointing at his face! he freaks out and starts jumping around slapping his cheek yelling "What?!! what the fuck is on me?!" And now I am laughing so hard I almost pee cause I have never seen the fear of god put into Dustin that way! And I was like it was a fucking centipede (exactly like the one in your picture)on your FACE!!! and he was like shit you scared me so bad I thought there was a fuckin cheetah on there!that bug has made the rounds!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG. It looks like it belongs in the ocean. It doesn't bite does it?
ReplyDelete